do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
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