i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
