I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
