Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
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