i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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