Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
I stole a fireplace last night.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
