I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
