His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
