so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
