i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
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