He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Randomize
