i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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