playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
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