Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Randomize
