areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
