i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
