Question for you. Are boobs and hands polarly charged, thus causing the inevitable joining of the two. If so are some breasts simply charged backwards
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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