hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Randomize
