Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
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