yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Randomize
