....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
How naked do you want me to be?
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