I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
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