To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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