Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Randomize
