Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
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