We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
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