I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
