be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
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