New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
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