Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Randomize
