i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
where are you?
Hypothermia
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
