God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Randomize
