I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
