where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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