dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
