In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
