listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Randomize
