he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
