Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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