I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
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