last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Randomize
