That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Randomize
