It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Randomize
