I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
