does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
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