We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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