I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
