I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
