I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
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