the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Randomize
