i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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