i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Randomize
