You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
