Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Randomize
