2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize