Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
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