Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize