Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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