Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Randomize
