wanna go halves on a baby?
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
