Having a random hookup so left but love u
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
