I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
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