He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
