i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
wow bdsm is so cute
Randomize
