OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Randomize
