no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Randomize
