Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
how can u be prego again
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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