Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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