im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
