I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
