hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
