I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
so much tequila, so little girl.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
