sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
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