I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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