Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
