what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
