I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
