How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Randomize
