if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize