It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
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