Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
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