Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
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