Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Randomize
