good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize