He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
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