Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
You are the jesus of drinking
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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