Dual....:-)
Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
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