You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
Randomize
