i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Randomize
