I think my fart just growled at me.
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
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