"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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