I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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